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Whitney

[ website | "If I'm leaving with a broken heart, you're leaving with a bleeding nose" ]
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" And I will always always I will watch over you" [12 Oct 2007|06:23pm]
[ mood | creative ]

33 days until Shaun and I leave for Arizona.

Pretty exciting. Pretty scary.

Still no luck with the job search. I applied at Romes Pizza today. Its a really chill place but I dont know how much mula I'll make. I may end up resorting back to the International House Of Pancakes. I'm gonna swing by tonight and ask Heather for my job back. I just need money, almost doesnt matter how I get it. ALMOST! In other news, Andrew has been really helpful with helping me find a job out in Arizona. He even messaged a handfull of friends. Thats AWESOME!

We've packed most of what we can pack. But there is so much to go. I think I'm going to convince Shaun to pack stuff that we can avoid using for a month. I dont know how much stuff that'll actually be. 

I continue to pray for the kittens. I heard on the news that they stopped adopting animals until after Halloween to prevent sick people from abusing them. I just hope that they wait until them to put them down. It wouldnt be fair if they didnt have a chance to even get adopted. Please, if youre an animal lover, pray for the kittens. 

I got an email from Mike Jones the other day that was really long. I loved it. But then after replying, he hasnt responded back. Hm...whatever. 

I am going on a hardcore diet and work out regimen when I get back to Arizona. I've gained WAY WAY WAY to much weight. Ugh. I even made a drawer in my dresser devoted to "things I will hopefully fit into again" hahah.

I miss everyone. I miss having a life. I dont like being a house wife.

I love the Honorary Title and Jarrod Gorbel. I want his baby. (Just one)

I love you all. 


W p H h I o T e N n E i Y x

1 More Tumble Weed Blowin.| Going west?

"If it makes you happy..." [11 Oct 2007|06:24am]
Damn my moms genetics.

6:25 in the am and I cant sleep cause my RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) is flaring. For those of you who dont know what RLS is, it's basically when your legs feel all tingley and its nearly impossible to get comfortable. UGH! I dont know what to do.

Maybe I'll search for new LJ or myspace friends!

Love
Going west?

"Setting Up Sunday....Watching the Winter Grow...So Cold..." [10 Oct 2007|04:00pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

So I love Shaun

He's the only person I've been able to be truly honest with. I know I'm going to marry him and be the happiest girl on earth. Last night I told him my fears. At 21, kissing the same person I'd kiss for the rest of my life. He warmed up the idea after a lot of talking. We havent agreed on terms yet but if we go through with this we would agree to either kiss or more (minus sex) with other people ONLY for the short time I'm still in Arizona and he comes back to San Antonio. I'm nervous and jealous about it but I think it will be best for both of us. Getting the time we need to get over our youth so that we dont feel the need for it later in life.

Worse so, we have to give 6 kittens to the pound. It needs to be done but I am very sad for them. Survival rate isnt very high....=(

I hope they get adopted, I really do. 

Love
Whitney

Going west?

"I'm elected Electric Spy..." [07 Oct 2007|04:09am]
[ mood | blah ]

Yet another night/morning where I sit awake and he slumbers peacefully. I hate my life right now. Its not absolutely terrible or anything but it's empty and repetitive. Shaun and I celebrate our 1 year anniversary on Monday. Fabulous. That is the only cool thing about my life right now. I kind of feel the need for another Dear So and So entry so here goes:

Dear Shaun
Almost a year baby!

Dear Chris
Are you telling me youre happy to make me jealous or are you truly happy?

Dear Daddy
I'm sorry I'm lying to you, but please understand, Mimis completely humiliated me and I felt that I deserved better.

Dear Old Whitney
I miss you. I miss how you looked. I miss what you entertained yourself with. And I miss truly being who I wanted to be.

Dear Toni and Guy School
Please work everything out for me.  I really need you to be the next step in my life.

Dear San Antonio
Though I hate you I really wish you could help me find homes for these kittens.

Dear Dahlia
Please stop fighting with Purrbot. She's your sister now. Please act like it.

Dear Whitney
I hate who youve become. Get off your fatass and become who you want to be....and go to sleep, its way too fucking late.

Dear Shaun 
How are you asleep when I'm not by your side? Can you really fall asleep without me there?

Dear Chris
Will you design/make all the dresses for my wedding? Even if I would never have the balls to ask you this.

Dear Arizona
Are you what I need to feel fulfilled?

Dear Megastar 
2 small months until we are back to our old selves. 

Dear San Antonio Restaurants/ Bars
I NEED A JOB! GIVE ME A JOB!

Love
Whitney

There you have it. Another bored conversation.
<3
 

Going west?

"kept the time by the patterns of the street lights" [06 Oct 2007|06:20pm]
[ mood | horny ]

i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job
i need a job

any help?

i've cleaned between the toes of my house and this whole nothing to do game is getting boring. not to mention i need money.

ugh, i'm hungry.

lame chris has a girlfriend he is "oh so happy with" psh

this is a nothing post. 

for i am nothing

hahah

ugh.

-w- 

Going west?

All I have to show for the last 3 months are a negative bank account and a lack of friends... [15 Apr 2005|05:37pm]
[ mood | No ones reading this anyways. ]

I've had the worst couple of days ever. The worst part? There is no solice. I dont want to be here. I dont want to go home.

Glad to know that I was punished when I needed you.
That you stopped caring when I did the right thing.
And that it was never important to begin with.

Kyle. I wish you would understand what a fucking wreck you've made me.

Whitney

1 More Tumble Weed Blowin.| Going west?

"And I cant believe it true, I cant believe it's you. I needed you, and you were there..." [01 Dec 2004|08:32pm]
[ mood | Ready for My New Life. ]

For every bad there is a good.

<3
Affectionately Yours
Whitney

2 More Tumble Weeds Blowin.| Going west?

goodbye. [21 Oct 2004|02:24pm]
[ mood | gone ]

12/25/1985-10/21/2004

3 More Tumble Weeds Blowin.| Going west?

"Now in each others shadows we grew less and less tall and eventually our theories..." [12 Oct 2004|12:44am]
[ mood | alone ]

"...Wouldnt explain at all, and I'm recording our history here on the bedroom wall, so when the landlord he'll come and paint over it all."

i'm happy youre happy clyde but the way i felt when i read about your new interest clearly shows me that it will still be awhile until we can be friends again. its hard to think you would give the same thing you gave to me to someone else.

bah.

one nice feeling is when i turn over and then you turn over too and wrap your arm around me when we're sleeping. good to know that you notice.

still alone though.

probably will be for a long time.

i always am.

whitney

1 More Tumble Weed Blowin.| Going west?

"And if you say that you will miss me, then dont say you never lied." [08 Oct 2004|12:28am]
[ mood | the worst i can remember ]

Ready, Set, Hurt Whitney!

I am gonna move away. Really far away. No one will know me and no one can hurt me because I wont put myself out there to hurt me.

In the past month my life has been so shitty that I really question what I hold on to.

99% of my friends arent my friends. And those who are, theyre too far away to help.

I've been dumped by the only thing that made me happy...mind you this was maybe 3 weeks ago.

I've been told that I'm immature.

I've been told that I'm so ugly I'm better off dead.

I've been in and out of the ER so much that they probably know my name.

I've been used and thrown away.

What is it about me that makes me not worth it?

I'm a catch arent I?

I guess not. This has been one of the worst nights I can remember in a long time.

I got flaked on tonight too. I've decided that I will never forgive anyone who flakes on me again. I dont need friends who dont care enough to not flake. That means ANY of you.

Fuck you all. You dont care.

Goodnight.

Whitney

PS I need some ideas of places to move to. Cause I'm gonna move out and far away before the month is over.

3 More Tumble Weeds Blowin.| Going west?

"It takes all my love to share my hate towards you" [07 Oct 2004|01:45am]
[ mood | Ok right now. ]

"Meus Diligo , EGO have quaero profundus depths ut reperio unus sic perficio mihi ut vos"

Zack sent this to me tonight in conversation.

He said it says "My love, I have searched the deepest depths for someone so perfect for me as you"

Sometimes I miss him. I wish I could move to NY to be with him. LUCKYYY. Haha.

For those of you who dont know, Zack is the guy I dated for a long time a long while back. The one that proposed to me.

Ok. Back to your original programs.

Whitney

Going west?

"Is that what you call a get away, tell me what you got away with..." [30 Sep 2004|04:42am]
[ mood | livid ]

"....cause I've seen more spin in a jellyfish, seen more guts in 11 year old kids, so have another drink and drive yourself home. i hope theres ice on all the roads and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, again when your head goes through the windsheild."

You are not holier than thou, and acting like it wont make you cooler.

You say I threw myself at them. You threw yourself at Troy.....only difference is, i had a better chance with them than you did with Troy. HA!

dancewitme21: friendship should be duel sided whitney, you can only give what you get.
dancewitme21: you are the most mature person i know at 18 and so for her to be all 'i'll treat you how you act' in lame.
dancewitme21: below you even.
dancewitme21: she sounds like shes the one that needs to be treated like an adolescent

timetofall: friends should be equal
timetofall: u gave her enough notice [to move out] and still never seemed to get enough respect from her

THATS what friendship is to me.

By all definations I can think, we were NEVER friends.

-=w=-

ps how many of your friends REALLY enjoy your presence?

13 More Tumble Weeds Blowin.| Going west?

"How could I miscalculate perfect lies from a perfect hate?" [26 Sep 2004|02:28am]
[ mood | defeated ]

Another Dear You entry.

Dear Kevin
It was amazing to see you tonight. Too bad I hate your girlfriend.

Dear Lenny
I hate that you and Jamie are moving in together. Though I do miss you.

Dear Danny
Watching Road Rules and thinking about how much you look like the guy on there really made me miss you. Come back to Phoenix.

Dear Megan
I really miss you. I need my best friend back.

Dear Tiffany and Kiri and Zane
Last night was fucking craaazy.

Dear JD
Thanks for remembering me and laughing at my story. Made me feel special.

Dear Ugly Drunk Fat Sweaty Old Dirty Guy
Thanks for giving me a reason to punch you. It let out a lot of frustration, it was needed. Though I still dont want you touching me.

Dear Body
Why do you have to keep being a problem, physically?

Dear Mark
I miss you...do you ever think about me?

Dear Work
I thought that I'd be seeing less of you next week. Yeah, I'll be seeing an hour and a half more of you. Thanks for money.

Dear TiVo/The OC
I miss you.

Dear Time
Slow down, except while I'm at work, then speed up.

Dear Money
Stop letting me spend you on close and use you for food and other essentials.

Dear Mom and Dad
I love you so much, and I wish that there was a better way to show it.

Dear Mrak
Wish you werent wasted.

Dear "Monthly Friend"
I hate you.

Dear Me
Be more happy.

Dear Sleep
Gimme more.

Dear Molly
Youre a stupid bitch, literally. Stop pooping everywhere and leave my Monster alone!

Dear Everyone
Make me feel special.

Love, Hate, Sincerely, Just for Show
Whitney

2 More Tumble Weeds Blowin.| Going west?

"Forever isnt what you said, you were somebody elses voice instead....." [25 Sep 2004|01:02pm]
[ mood | all alone ]

This hurts. It was inevitable, but it hurts.

For that, I hate you.

Whitney

Going west?

"Its only you, Beautiful..." [25 Sep 2004|03:27am]
[ mood | amazed ]

What a weird night....

I've never done anything so crazy.....

w to the hitney

Going west?

"12 weeks gone by since I have seen your face I'll give this one more try..." [22 Sep 2004|12:15am]
[ mood | Heavy ]

"....I'll give it all my best and I'll ask 'what could you be doing that is so much fun without me by your side. without me by your side and i will take a step back and i'll let you ahead. And i will take a step away and see if you come back because theres no more trying to make this all right. Theres no more trying, theres no more trying tonight we'll never be the same. We will never be the same, we will never be the same, we will never be the same until youre done."

I walk away feeling strong and ready to be done. Then I read your life. How happy you are without me. I cant stand this feeling. Make it go away.

Justin and Tiffany were a huge help when I moved, I think i shall throw a BBQ in their honor....in a couple weeks.

Hanging out with Kiri and Tiffany has been great. Theyre awesome. NOTE: I realized that my dream of being a pro pool player will never happen. :-\

Brady isnt acting any better to me. I think that was a dead end.

MegHans cat needs to stop puking and pooping and scratching and clawing my sholder to stay up on it when i am on the computer typing journal entries.

Stupid Cat.

Haha, its fun to blow in its face. It hates me. And for the first time, i dont like it back!

Berto is moving :-( Hes become a fun friend to hang out with. AZ will miss him. OC, youre getting a great new neighbor.

Speaking of OC, i have yet to watch it....DAMN i miss TeVo.

Work has been mentally draining this week. My boss (close friend) was out of town for her sisters wedding and Terri and I were left to run the store. I havent had a day off since last Tuesday and wont get one until Thursday. Good mula though....until I spend it.

I cant wait to move back into my own place. A place I can really make my own and call home.

MegHan is an amazing photographer, ask you to show you some time.

I miss Megan so bad. My best friend is a million miles away. I miss our spaghetti nights and driving 1/16 of a mile to pick her up. or mexico, or six flags, or shows, or gluck food. i miss her.

My heart is so heavy right now. Its making me drag my feet and sulk my chest. I miss you, so bad. Its hard falling asleep alone again. Maybe I am just feeling so cause I am sleep deprived.

On that note, i have work in the AM so I must bid you adieu.

...y...e...n...t...i...h...w...

2 More Tumble Weeds Blowin.| Going west?

"I think I've already lost you....I think youre already gone...I think I'm finally scared now.." [12 Sep 2004|06:35pm]
[ mood | Lost ]

"...you think I'm weak...I think youre wrong."

And i cant breathe from this lump in my throat
That youve given me
Sometimes i wish that i could fall asleep and never wake up
Make this all go away
But I know I cant, know I cant
And I dont know what to say
And everything changed so fast and I cant keep up
And I'm lost
In all of those words that could not escape my lips
That wouldve made you stay
And I cant live with this hole in my chest
And I cant seem to win, cause its killing me
And every ounce of air I hold in my lungs
I would give it all to you
Just to touch your face
to touch your face
and i dont know what ot say
and everything changed so fast
] and I cant keep up
And I'm lost
In all of those words that could not escape my lips
That wouldve made you stay
I fall asleep tonight and pray that i wont wake, no.
Cause its not worth living without you.
Dont know what to say and everything changed so fast
IAnd I cant keep up
And I'm lost, in all of those words that could not escape my lips
that wouldve made you stay
Dont know what to say
Dont know what to say
Dont know what to SAY
I dont know

Mark-
I cant believe this is the end.
I cant believe you lied to me.
I cant believe I couldve ever let myself fall this way again.
Why didnt you tell me?
Who is she?
Why am I not good enough?
Dont I deserve happiness?
Didnt anything I did for you mean anything?
I thought you cared.
I thought I was more than a random broad to you.
I never knew you could hurt me like this.
Why did you give up on me?
Why do I hurt so bad?
How could you just all of a sudden not care?
What makes you think you'll ever find anyone more perfect for you than me?


Its funny how what gives you life is taking it from me.

I wish you understood what you did to me.

I was wrong, you are like every other guy out there.

No longer yours,
Whitney

3 More Tumble Weeds Blowin.| Going west?

"Forever isnt what you said, you were somebody elses voice instead." [22 Aug 2004|11:35pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I'm so sorry I did what I did to us. I know we "worked things out" but I still feel like we're broken. Its hard to articulate feelings, it really is. But here goes best as possible.

You are the best thing thats happened to me in god knows how long. And up until now our relationship has been nothing but batted eyes and fluttery hearts. I get scared easily though. When we hit a small hurdle I'd rather run then jump. I dont want a broken heart and the possibility of future damage makes me act like a turtle bowing into its shell. But I want to work through problems together. If we cant be there for the bad, how will we have good?

I think that this temporary lapse of judgement has to do with a lot of recent happenings in my life and i know i was rash. I promise though, this will be the last time you see me act this way. I care about you so much and I cant wait to see what we flourish into.

All of this is to you Mark.

<3
Whitney

Going west?

"And I know you know everything...." [10 Aug 2004|06:34pm]
[ mood | moody ]

PS I've posted way more recently than you Mark. So there. ;-)

:-*

5 days babe.

<3

Whitney

Going west?

"You said the past'd catch up eventually, well it caught up and honestly..." [10 Aug 2004|06:18pm]
[ mood | morose ]

"....the weight of my decision was just to much to hold"

I wish I felt better. I'm having the anxious feeling again. The bad one.

I hope its not anything to do with the fact that Mark is coming in town.
5 more days. I am very excited. But nervous. Like its the first time meeting him or something. Like I gotta be able to impress him, even though he is already mine.

I havent talked to Nick in like a week. That doesnt make me feel good.

I saw crazy natalie last night. Shes fun.

Rogue is a great place to be on a monday.

I need to keep working out, it will make me feel better.

And no more drinking either. Thats just gonna make me depressed and fat.

Time to go work out, then nap, then chillin at Rock Bottom.

<3Whitney

Going west?

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